I spent most of my life living with my mother. My father left us when I was seven and was absent from our lives. I was my mother's caregiver when she was terminally ill from cancer and sarcoidoisis. I saw the catholic church as an outlet for my grief. I saw Mary as a second Mother; always there always comforting. I also found the prayers soothing. But I was a protestant catholic; I found the church to be conflicting to my more christian beliefs. That only through Christ, could we find salvation.
It was in 1994 that God found me. I was sitting in my office, when the Holy Spirit cam to be showering me with love. This was a love that I never felt before, it was total and unconditional. I started to cry. How could I be worthy of this love? I have many sins and regrets. Yet I was receiving total and forgiving love. God said, "I am here for you." From then on God became everything to me. I sought to find a church fellowship to be a part of. When I moved to San Rafael, I searched for a church to go to close to my house. I saw the sign for the Open Door Church. This was the church that my friend, Frank LaForge went to until his death. This was the church that transformed Frank's life and brought him comfort. I have been with Open Door church for five years now.
I spent most of my life fighting my demons. I had a nervous breakdown in 1994 and was diagnosed iwth schizoaffective and bipolar disorder. I took years to fix my broken life. I went into intensive therapy for four years and went back to Christ. I was hospitalized four times. I was homeless for two and a half years and in poverty for seventeen years. Yet joy and gratitude filled my life as God led me to having my own apartment and security. Through Christ, I have found the strength to confront and confess my sins. I began to feel the bitterness and paranoia that I was for most of my live leave. I started counting lives blessings and Gods grace afforded me. I became a nicer person, finally making friends.
Daily, I affirm that I give my will to God's will.
